Sunday, October 16, 2011

Unforgettable Challenges (profile)


“Unforgettable Challenges”
The unforgettable challenges in life are the challenges that are still fresh in your mind even today, after so many years.
At the young age of seven in a small village in Portugal, my uncle Rogerio Mendes would wake up every day before the sun would rise. He had a very important mission to accomplish for his nonstop, hard working mother before the beginning of classes at seven-thirty; he had to deliver the freshly baked bread that his mother had made to the customers. A donkey would transport him and the bread to every customer’s house scattered around the village. “After going on the same route day after day the donkey would cry, waking me up when we arrived at the destination.” he says with a laugh. As my uncle Rogerio got older, he faced some serious challenges that he will never forget.
            In the year 1959, at the age of eleven, my uncle stopped attending school and started working in a factory producing bricks. His days at the factory were cut short when he accidentally broke a mold resulting in a life changing day. My uncle’s boss told him he had to pay three thousand escudos for it, at that time it was a fortune. “Thoughts were going through my head; I would have to work for the rest of my life to relieve myself from debt. I had to run away.” he recalls. The following day he packed a change of clothes and waited until everyone left the house to run away. His destination: Spain because he heard many times that there was work available in the coal mines. Rogerio walked many miles to the neighboring country of Spain. He rested a while in a tavern where an older man recognized him and asked my uncle what he was doing in Spain. He responded that he was going to work. The man told my uncle that he was under age to work in the coal mines and proposed that he worked at his farm. “I agreed because it was something to begin with. The farmer and his family took me under their wing. They kindly provided me with food, housing, and a small salary.” he says with satisfaction. The family treated him like a new member of the family. My uncle was very lucky; he stated: “They were my second family, though I still kept in touch with my own family back home. . . .I stayed there happily for ten years.”
            At the age of twenty-one, my uncle’s mother notified him that he was required to serve in the army. My uncle had no other choice, he went to Africa. The war involved the countries of Angola, Mozambique, and Guinea; for the purpose of keeping these three countries as Portuguese colonies. He served in Guinea for two years, from 1970 until 1972. One hundred and fifty soldiers were in my uncle’s group, and my uncle adds that the group watched out for each other.  “War was not always sad, people got shot, but we tried to think of the positive to keep ourselves going,” he said with bravery. Rogerio was in charge of the heavy guns, such as a bazooka, and when needed he used his pistol. The conditions of the war were not easy, sometimes they had no water to drink, they had to eat rice every day, and the soldiers slept in a trench four feet deep which they poked holes to keep an eye out for attackers.
            Many humid, hot and restless nights the soldiers would try to entertain themselves by drinking beer and playing the small wooded guitars. Some soldiers, like my uncle, would take the new born animals that were in the jungle and raise them; they had dogs, monkeys, squirrels, and a cheetah. “I had a small dog that was better than any soldier. Quito (the dog’s name) would tell if anyone or anything was coming from near or far” my uncle said proudly. Some nights the soldiers got drunk and one of those nights my uncle woke up the next day with a tattoo on his arm, “It was a drunken mistake,” he laughingly explained. The tattoo, done by my uncle himself is a snake wrapped around a sword which symbolized nothing at the time, but now has a long history behind it. Though he was million miles away, he kept in touch with his family and his second family in Spain.
At the end of 1972, my uncle was shipped back to Portugal. He stayed there for two months then followed his family’s footsteps to America to start a new chapter of his life.  Today my uncle is married, has two daughters, and a beautiful granddaughter. Many times he brings up the stories of his past challenges. These challenges made him stronger and made him who he is today.
             

Post Write:
-          I feel that my profile states about an interesting person. My uncle has gone through challenges that make him who he is today. At the age of eleven he ran away to Spain, at twenty-one he went to fight in war, and after war he came to America.

-          I need to try to cut information that is not needed to be in length requirements of 500-700 words. I also need to add physical description to some parts of my essay. I could describe how my uncle looked like during the war.

-          1) Does the profile immediately grab your attention?
2) Does the essay flow smoothly from one challenge to another?
3) Were you interested in my uncle’s challenges as you read the essay?

1 comment:

  1. Peer Review Reading Journal
    During our writing workshops, you’ll be working with a “critical partner,” someone who will read your work seriously and offer constructive comments.  Please offer your response to your partner’s draft, using this template as a guide (you may add responses not prompted here as well).  On the last day of the workshop, I’d like you to bring one hard copy to class and post another copy on your partner’s blog.  As with the Textbook Reading Journal, I’ll be grading your work according to the following criteria:
            Appropriateness to the question
            Relevance and precision of detail from the reading
            Fullness of your response
            Depth of insights
    Thanks for agreeing to help a classmate and for being a respectful reader.
     
    Reviewer’s Name: Maria Borges
    Date:  10-18-2011
    Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Melanie Freitas
     
    In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do?  Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.

    The assignment was to write an essay about some one that is interesting to you and you think other people might interested too. And to interview the person on an experience that the person had that made that person admirable.


     
     
     
     
     
     
    To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment?  Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words. 
    I think that the essay is very well written. The writer explains the person she’s describing good. And she explains the events that has made the person interesting or admirable to her. I can also tell that she interview the person, and that the story she wrote came from the persons mouth because she uses a lot of quotations “Thoughts were going through my head; I would have to work for the rest of my life to relieve myself from debt. I had to run away.” The rest of the story goes on about the hardships of this person and how he overcame them.
     
     What area needs more work?  Why?  Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.

    I honestly think this is a good essay. I don’t know what I would change if it was mine. It explains the interesting person and what has happened to him for the writer to think he is interesting. If anything I would just add at the end what his life is like now. And now what does he think about all the things he went through and how that’s changed him.
     
     Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it. 

    1. Looking back at his life, does he think he would change anything ?

    2. How did all this make him stronger as a person?

    There isn’t much to improve, I think its good already I would just add on how the challenges he faced effected his life now.
     

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