Melanie Freitas
English 101: College Writing
9-18-11
The Power of Family
The strength of family helps me out day to day. My family means the world to me, if it wasn’t for them I don’t know what I would do or who I would be. Family to me is a word filled with many meanings. It means strength, peace, happiness, and unity. I believe having a family whom you can talk to and be yourself with is a true treasure in life. Family helps me forget all the bad and brings out all the good. Because family is everything to me, I believe strongly in the power of family.
Family gives me strength anytime that I am looking for comfort. If I have a problem, they are always there to help me and stand by me when I need them. They always have the right thing to say to help me think positively and to think that everything will be fine. When my maternal grandfather passed away five years ago, as a family, we supported each other and went through this difficult time together. The day that we received the news, my parents took the earliest flight to Portugal. My father’s family took care of and supported my sister and I while my parents were away. They comforted us and made sure that we were not left alone.
Coming together in holidays or on random celebrations helps me forget about the rest of the world. I feel at peace when my family and I get together and enjoy each other’s company. Though, like many other families, we have our little disagreements, we never let little things get in the way of us because we know that family will always be family. We always resolve our issues peacefully which gives an atmosphere of tranquility.
While in this tranquil state, my family shares a breath of happiness. Weddings, birthdays, births, and other festivities are a time to turn up our happy meter. Happiness can be felt through the stories of our Portuguese roots, exchange of memories, and constant laughter. Tears fill our eyes not from sadness but from joy. This happiness alleviates any pain and helps you feel better at the end of the day.
Together as one is another way to describe the power of family. Though most of my family is overseas, we manage to stay close and keep our traditions alive. We are constantly calling each other and visiting each other to see how life is going. We are united by one culture, one love, and one heart. This unity plays a strong role in my life and the way I am. I love being close to my family and having gatherings that bond us closer together.
Like glue, my family will always be joined. Through thick and thin we will always be a family filled with strength, peace, and happiness. No matter if we are millions of miles away, we are still a family. Friends can come and go but family is forever. I believe in the power of family; I believe that family is power.
Post Write:
· I feel my belief is stated very clearly. I stated multiple times that I believe in the power of family and gave different examples on how they are so important to me. I extended the story of when my grandfather passed away to support my belief.
· I could still extend the story of my grandfather passing away but at the end, the essay will not be in the proper length requirements.
· 1) I give multiple examples of how my family is the world to me. Should I have just focused on the story of my grandfather passing away to support my belief?
2) Is there one part of the essay I should have eliminated?
Hi Melanie:
ReplyDeleteI like what I see here. As you say, you are quite clear in announcing your belief. But what impresses me most is that you analyze the subject (breaking it down in various sub topics) and you, one by one, discuss each of these topics. This awareness of structure will serve you well.
You even show a sensitivity to style in your last sentence.
The challenge, as I see it, is determining whether your stories conform to the needs of the assignment: to show how the belief was formed or tested. Was it the passing of your grandfather that produced this belief? Perhaps you can make note of that fact (not sure I see that explicitly).
I see promise here.
Hi Dr. Tinberg,
ReplyDelete- You enjoy what I wrote. My belief is clear and the reader can tell what I am writing about. I broke down my essay into sub topics that are backed up with details. I express emotion in the last sentence of my essay. One thing that I failed to mention in the essay, was to show clearly how my belief was formed or tested.
- One thing that I would liked to be clarified is how my belief does not show that it was formed or tested. After the death of my grandfather, I really realized how important family is to me and how they give me strength.
-I will try to make sure I use proper punctuation in my other assignments. In the first paragraph, the sentence "My family means the world to me, if it wasn’t for them I don’t know what I would do or who I would be.", I should of use a semicolon instead of a comma. I will also try to break up my essay into sub topics, if possible. The sub topics gave my essay more detail.