Distracted while driving
Works Cited:
Wilson, Fernando A., and Jim P. Stimpson. “Trends In Fatalities From Distracted Driving In The United States, 1999 To 2008.” American Journal Of Public Health 100.11(2010): 2213-
2219. Academic Search Premier. 2010.Web. 17 November 2011.
In the article, Wilson and Jim analyzed the trends in distracted driving fatalities and their relation to the use of cell phones and texting. They examined fatalities that occurred on United States public roads from 1999 to 2008 that were based on the data records that were provided by the Fatality Analysis Reporting System. The number of fatalities from distracted driving increased from 4572 in 2005 to 5870 in 2008. They concluded that the fatalities were caused by distracted drivers that were using their cell phones, texting, eating, reading, or other devices while driving; distracted driving is a public safety hazard. Wilson and Jim are strictly suggesting that stricter laws be put into practice banning the major issue of accidents which is the use of cell phones.
Wilson, a member of the Department of Health Management and Policy and Jim a member of the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences, focus on the issue of distracting driving fatalities increasing from the years 1999 to 2008 in the United States. Wilson and Jim constantly repeated that distracting driving is a growing public safety hazard. They use the data records from the Fatality Analysis Reporting System to support their argument; information would be collected within 30 days of the accident. They provided a lot of statistics showing the increase of fatalities from 1999 to 2008. The best part about this article is that they give evidence to show how major this issue is. They clearly state the issue and suggest some methods to resolve the increase of fatalities in distracted driving.
Post Write:
- I don’t feel like this is my best work. I used the example of the annotation from the assignment requirements as my guide to writing my paper. I feel like I repeated the same ideas in both paragraphs, paragraph one “They examined fatalities that occurred on United States public roads from 1999 to 2008 that were based on the data records that were provided by the Fatality Analysis Reporting System.” And in paragraph two “Wilson, a member of the Department of Health Management and Policy and Jim a member of the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences, focus on the issue of distracting driving fatalities increasing from the years 1999 to 2008 in the United States.”
- I need to write a better conclusion to the annotation
- 1) Do you understand what the main issue that the article was mentioning?
2) Is the topic a major issue in the United States?
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
ReplyDeleteMy partner has met the expectations of the assignment. Her annotation starts off with the works cited on the top of the page just as the assignment calls for. Her first paragraph is a summary of the article she read. Again, just as the assignment calls for. My partner only summarized the main points of the article and focused on the argument. For example in paragraph one sentence two she starts off by saying “The examined…..” and in the same paragraph sentence four starts off by saying “They concluded.” This in itself shows that my partner had done a summary because she provided what they were examining and then provided what they concluded.
In the second paragraph my partner goes on to provide credibility to the authors in sentence one. She says “Wilson, a member of the Department of Health Management and Policy and Jim a member of the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences….” My partner then does on to provided dates this was evaluated. She says “…from the years 1999 to 2008.” At the end of the paragraph my partner provided the usefulness of the article. She says “the best part about this article is that they give evidence to show how major this issue is. They clearly state the issue and suggest some methods to resolve the increase of fatalities in distracted driving.” She provided credibility, timeliness and usefulness.
Both of these paragraphs flow well together which is something I think would be challenging for this assignment due to its short length but I think my partner did it successfully.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
One of the things my partner did not include in the first paragraph is signal phrases. She needs to include this in paragraph one. She provided one in the second paragraph but paragraph one lacks on. The example from paragraph two is when she says “They clearly state the issue and suggest some methods to resolve the increase of fatalities in distracted driving.”
The only other thing I think my partner needs to do is be careful because the second paragraph also sounds like a summary. I do not think I would call it a summary but I think she needs to rework it a little bit so the reader does not think it is a summary.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
• Are both the paragraph’s summaries?
• How did they evaluate and come to this conclusion?