Distracted while driving (Second Draft of Annotating a Scholarly Article)

Distracted while driving

Works Cited:

Wilson, Fernando A., and Jim P. Stimpson. “Trends In Fatalities From Distracted Driving In The             United States, 1999 To 2008.” American Journal Of Public Health 100.11(2010): 2213-

            2219. Academic Search Premier. 2010. Web. 17 November 2011.

            In the article, Wilson and Jim analyzed the trends in distracted driving fatalities and their relation to the use of cell phones and texting. They examined fatalities that occurred on United States public roads from 1999 to 2008 that were based on the data records that were provided by the Fatality Analysis Reporting System. The number of fatalities from distracted driving increased from 4572 in 2005 to 5870 in 2008. They concluded that the fatalities were caused by distracted drivers that were using their cell phones, texting, eating, reading, or other devices while driving; distracted driving is a public safety hazard. Wilson and Jim are strictly suggesting that stricter laws be put into practice banning the major issue of accidents which is the use of cell phones.

             Wilson, a member of the Department of Health Management and Policy and Jim a member of the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences, focus on the issue of distracting driving fatalities increasing from the years 1999 to 2008 in the United States. They strongly argued that the major cause of driving fatalities is drivers being distracted doing other tasks while they driving. Wilson and Jim constantly repeated that distracting driving is a growing public safety hazard. They use the data records from the Fatality Analysis Reporting System to support their argument; information that was collected within 30 days of the accident. They provided a lot of statistics showing the increase of fatalities from 1999 to 2008.  The best part about this article is that they give evidence to show how major this issue is. They clearly state the issue and suggest some methods to resolve the increase of fatalities in distracted driving.

Post Write:

-          I feel like I included most of the requirements into the annotation. I included the full citation in the beginning of my annotation. I stated the author’s argument in the second paragraph “that the major cause of driving fatalities is drivers being distracted doing other tasks while they driving”. I wrote the annotation using my own words, paragraph one “They examined fatalities….”. I also tried to get an article that was recent and would be intended for my audience.

-            I still need to work on adding signal phrases to make clear the author’s ownership over the ideas expressed.

-          1) Is the issue of the topic relatable?

2) Would the authors’ be people we can rely on for their information based on who they are?

Distracted while driving (Annotating a Scholarly Article)

Distracted while driving

Works Cited:

Wilson, Fernando A., and Jim P. Stimpson. “Trends In Fatalities From Distracted Driving In The             United States, 1999 To 2008.” American Journal Of Public Health 100.11(2010): 2213-

            2219. Academic Search Premier. 2010.Web. 17 November 2011.

            In the article, Wilson and Jim analyzed the trends in distracted driving fatalities and their relation to the use of cell phones and texting. They examined fatalities that occurred on United States public roads from 1999 to 2008 that were based on the data records that were provided by the Fatality Analysis Reporting System. The number of fatalities from distracted driving increased from 4572 in 2005 to 5870 in 2008. They concluded that the fatalities were caused by distracted drivers that were using their cell phones, texting, eating, reading, or other devices while driving; distracted driving is a public safety hazard. Wilson and Jim are strictly suggesting that stricter laws be put into practice banning the major issue of accidents which is the use of cell phones.

            Wilson, a member of the Department of Health Management and Policy and Jim a member of the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences, focus on the issue of distracting driving fatalities increasing from the years 1999 to 2008 in the United States. Wilson and Jim constantly repeated that distracting driving is a growing public safety hazard. They use the data records from the Fatality Analysis Reporting System to support their argument; information would be collected within 30 days of the accident. They provided a lot of statistics showing the increase of fatalities from 1999 to 2008.  The best part about this article is that they give evidence to show how major this issue is. They clearly state the issue and suggest some methods to resolve the increase of fatalities in distracted driving.

Post Write:

-          I don’t feel like this is my best work. I used the example of the annotation from the assignment requirements as my guide to writing my paper. I feel like I repeated the same ideas in both paragraphs, paragraph one “They examined fatalities that occurred on United States public roads from 1999 to 2008 that were based on the data records that were provided by the Fatality Analysis Reporting System.” And in paragraph two “Wilson, a member of the Department of Health Management and Policy and Jim a member of the Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences, focus on the issue of distracting driving fatalities increasing from the years 1999 to 2008 in the United States.”

-          I need to write a better conclusion to the annotation

-          1) Do you understand what the main issue that the article was mentioning?

2) Is the topic a major issue in the United States?

           

           

"Keeping Your Eyes on the Road" (Second Draft of Proposal)

“Keep Your Eyes on the Road”

            Every driver believes that they will never be involved in an accident because they are perfect and safe drivers. Most drivers feel they can perform more than one task and be able to have their mind completely focused on driving, at the same time. Millions of drivers attempt to take their eyes off the road for a few seconds to text, talk on the phone, eat, or even fix their hair when they drive. These drivers don’t realize that just for one second not having their eyes on the road can get them into or cause an accident.

Over the years, many drivers have put other people and even themselves in danger as a result of performing other tasks while being behind the wheel. They might be eating, reading a map or newspaper, talking on the phone, or texting, which is the main issue in our society today. In 2010, the Massachusetts Safe Driving Law was put into effect to ban sending or reading text messages and ban cell phone use for junior operators under age 18 while driving. According to the Telegram and Gazette, “the state has 4.7 million licensed drivers, between September 30, 2010, when the law went into effect, and June 30 this year, 831 citations were issued statewide for texting, according to the state Registry of Motor Vehicles. Another 413 citations were issued for improper use of a mobile device while driving and 46 were for junior drivers using a cellphone” (Spencer). Though the law was put into effect, many people try to hide that they are texting as mention in the Telegram and Gazette, “Often, a driver who is texting will have the phone in his or her lap or on the seat, so it’s hard to detect from the outside” (Spencer).

Every day so many minor accidents occur as a result of people not paying attention while they drive. Just this year I was involved in two rear ended accidents that the drivers thought I have accelerated. The first accident the driver was eating and the second accident the driver didn’t see me letting a pedestrian cross the street. Both of these accidents could have been easily avoided. In some tragic situations loved ones have been notified that their son or daughter has been killed by a distracted driver. Most of these victims could have been safely driving to their destination and out of nowhere they tried to dodge the dangerous oncoming car. Many of these innocent drivers lose their control and end up seriously injured or tragically died. Every driver should think of their safety and the safety of others.

Some drivers that get distracted behind the wheel were never in a major accident and will continue to do the same. Every age group gets distracted; it’s not just the experienced drivers or just the new. Every driver should be aware of their surrounds and be cautious. No one is a perfect driver. As Police Chief Warchol mentions in Telegram and Gazette “We’re role models in the community and it’s not good procedure for anyone to be (texting or making phone call)” (Spencer), we are role models to others. We must be the leading examples to others to stop not just texting and driving, but other distractions behind the wheel. Eliminating all distractions from the driver’s way, will allow driver’s to focus on the road.

            Massachusetts government should come up with striker laws to eliminate the distractions behind the wheel, especially the use of cell phones. Police officers should suspend the driver’s license for a month if he/she finds that the driver has been distracted behind the wheel. If the same driver is stopped another time, the driver’s license should be suspended for two years and so on to learn the consequences. During their time of suspension the driver should attend a driver’s safety class to learn the harmful consequences of being distracted behind the wheel. All distractions should be removed from the driving instructor’s car when new students begin to drive. No other student should use their cell phones while another student is driving. Driving students should learn how all distractions are dangerous and these should be strictly taught. The stricter the laws, the stronger the chance to eliminate the distractions while driving. Strictly enforcing the laws will not cost money. The benefit of this proposal is that the streets will be safe for drivers to drive. Keeping your eyes on the road for every second will keep you aware of what is happening and it will keep you in control.

Post Write:

-          I feel that I stated a very important issue in our community. Most of the people in Massachusetts drive and many people get distracted by things in the car. So many accidents happen every day because people are distracted at the wheel.

-          I still need to give more detail to the cost of the solution to my proposal. I stated that there is no cost to enforcing the laws.

-          1) Is the issue and solution to the proposal clearly stated?

2) Does my proposal have an impact (on the reader)?

             

Work Cited (bibliography):

Spencer, Susan. “Not getting the message: Effect of texting law still hard to assess.” Telegram & Gazette (Massachusetts). 18 October 2011, News: A1. LexisNexis Academic. Mon.7 Nov. 2011.

"Keeping Your Eyes on the Road" (Proposal)

“Keep Your Eyes on the Road”

            Every driver believes that they will never be involved in an accident because they are perfect and safe drivers. Most drivers feel they can perform more than one task and be able to have their mind completely focused on driving, at the same time. Millions of drivers attempt to take their eyes off the road for a few seconds to text, talk on the phone, eat, or even fix their hair when they drive. These drivers don’t realize that just for one second not having their eyes on the road can get them into or cause an accident.

Over the years, many drivers have put other people and even themselves in danger as a result of performing other tasks while being behind the wheel. They might be eating, reading a map or newspaper, talking on the phone, or texting, which is the main issue in our society today. In 2010, the Massachusetts Safe Driving Law was put into effect to ban sending or reading text messages and ban cell phone use for junior operators under age 18 while driving. According to the Telegram and Gazette, “the state has 4.7 million licensed drivers, between September 30, 2010, when the law went into effect, and June 30 this year, 831 citations were issued statewide for texting, according to the state Registry of Motor Vehicles. Another 413 citations were issued for improper use of a mobile device while driving and 46 were for junior drivers using a cellphone” (Spencer). Though the law was put into effect, many people try to hide that they are texting as mention in the Telegram and Gazette, “Often, a driver who is texting will have the phone in his or her lap or on the seat, so it’s hard to detect from the outside” (Spencer).

Every day so many minor accidents occur as a result of people not paying attention while they drive. Just this year I was involved in two rear ended accidents that the drivers thought I have accelerated. The first accident the driver was eating and the second accident the driver didn’t see me letting a pedestrian cross the street. Both of these accidents could have been easily avoided. In some tragic situations loved ones have been notified that their son or daughter has been killed by a distracted driver. Most of these victims could have been safely driving to their destination and out of nowhere they tried to dodge the dangerous oncoming car. Many of these innocent drivers lose their control and end up seriously injured or tragically died. Every driver should think of their safety and the safety of others.

Some drivers that get distracted behind the wheel were never in a major accident and will continue to do the same. Every age group gets distracted; it’s not just the older people or just the new people. Every driver should be aware of their surrounds and be cautious. No one is a perfect driver. As Police Chief Warchol mentions in Telegram and Gazette “We’re role models in the community and it’s not good procedure for anyone to be (texting or making phone call)” (Spencer), we are role models to others. We must be the leading examples to others to stop not just texting and driving, but other distractions behind the wheel.

            Massachusetts should come up with striker laws to eliminate the distractions behind the wheel, especially the use of cell phones. Police officers should suspend your license for a month if he/she finds that you have been distracted behind the wheel. If the same driver is stopped another time, the driver’s license should be suspended for two years and so on to learn the consequences. During their time of suspension they should attend a driver’s safety class to learn the harmful consequences of being distracted behind the wheel. All distractions should be removed from the driving instructor’s car when new students begin to drive. No other student should use their cell phones while another student is driving. Students should learn how all distractions are dangerous and these should be strictly taught. The stricter the laws, the stronger the chance to eliminate the distractions while driving. Keeping your eyes on the road for every second will keep you aware of what is happening and it will keep you in control.

Post Write:

-          I don’t feel like this is my best written assignment this year. I feel like I did not place the quotations correctly in the essay. I gave a lot of detail to what was the problem and I gave one paragraph for the solution.

-          I need to balance the information I gave to what was the problem and gave the same amount for what is the solution. I should give more detail to what is the solution of my proposal

-          1) Do you understand what my proposal is?

2) Do you agree with my proposal or disagree? If you disagree what should I change to appeal to other readers?

             

Work Cited (bibliography):

Spencer, Susan. “Not getting the message: Effect of texting law still hard to assess.” Telegram & Gazette (Massachusetts). 18 October 2011, News: A1. LexisNexis Academic. Mon.7 Nov. 2011.

Unforgettable Challenges (Second draft of profile)

“Unforgettable Challenges”

The unforgettable challenges in life are the challenges that are still fresh in your mind even today, after so many years.

At the young age of seven in a small village in Portugal, my uncle Rogerio Mendes would wake up every day before the sun would rise. He had a very important mission to accomplish for his nonstop, hard working mother before the beginning of classes at seven-thirty; he had to deliver the freshly baked bread that his mother had made to the customers. A donkey would transport him and the bread to every customer’s house scattered around the village. “After going on the same route day after day the donkey would cry, waking me up when we arrived at the destination.” he says with a laugh. As my uncle Rogerio got older, he faced some serious challenges that he will never forget.

            In the year 1959, at the age of eleven, my uncle stopped attending school and started working in a factory producing bricks. His days at the factory were cut short when he accidentally broke a mold resulting in a life changing day. My uncle’s boss told him he had to pay three thousand escudos for it, at that time it was a fortune. “Thoughts were going through my head; I would have to work for the rest of my life to relieve myself from debt. I had to run away.” he recalls. The following day he packed a change of clothes and waited until everyone left the house to run away. His destination: Spain because he heard many times that there was work available in the coal mines. Rogerio walked many miles to the neighboring country of Spain. He rested a while in a tavern where an older man recognized him and asked my uncle what he was doing in Spain. He responded that he was going to work. The man told my uncle that he was under age to work in the coal mines and proposed that he worked at his farm. “I agreed because it was something to begin with. The farmer and his family took me under their wing. They kindly provided me with food, housing, and a small salary.” he says with satisfaction. The family treated him like a new member of the family. My uncle was very lucky; he stated: “They were my second family, though I still kept in touch with my own family back home. . . .I stayed there happily for ten years.”

            At the age of twenty-one, my uncle’s mother notified him that he was required to serve in the army. My uncle had no other choice, he went to Africa. The war involved the countries of Angola, Mozambique, and Guinea; for the purpose of keeping these three countries as Portuguese colonies. He served in Guinea for two years, from 1970 until 1972. One hundred and fifty soldiers were in my uncle’s group, and my uncle adds that the group watched out for each other.  “War was not always sad, people got shot, but we tried to think of the positive to keep ourselves going,” he said with bravery. Rogerio was in charge of the heavy guns, such as a bazooka, and when needed he used his pistol. The conditions of the war were not easy, sometimes they had no water to drink, they had to eat rice every day, and the soldiers slept in a trench four feet deep which they poked holes to keep an eye out for attackers.

            Many humid, hot and restless nights the soldiers would try to entertain themselves by drinking beer and playing the small wooded guitars. Some soldiers, like my uncle, would take the new born animals that were in the jungle and raise them; they had dogs, monkeys, squirrels, and a cheetah. “I had a small dog that was better than any soldier. Quito (the dog’s name) would tell if anyone or anything was coming from near or far” my uncle said proudly. Some nights the soldiers got drunk and one of those nights my uncle woke up the next day with a tattoo on his arm, “It was a drunken mistake,” he laughingly explained. The tattoo, done by my uncle himself is a snake wrapped around a sword which symbolized nothing at the time, but now has a long history behind it. Though he was million miles away, he kept in touch with his family and his second family in Spain.

At the end of 1972, my uncle was shipped back to Portugal. He stayed there for two months then followed his family’s footsteps to America to start a new chapter of his life.  Today my uncle is married, has two daughters, and a beautiful granddaughter. Many times he brings up the stories of his past challenges. These challenges made him stronger and made him who he is today. My uncle Rogerio values his life more and enjoys the little things in life.

             

Post Write:

-          I feel like my paper identifies an interesting to me and hopefully to others. I interviewed my uncle that has gone through many challenges in life, what makes him who he is today. I provided my profile with small anecdotes like when my uncle was eleven and ran away to the neighbor country of Spain to work in the coal mines. I used quotations that I thought would flow with my writing; I put the quotation “It was a drunken mistake” to give the reader the image what my uncle Rogerio would say if he/she meet him in person.

-          I don’t know what else I can do to make my profile better. I have completed all the requirements. I included a thesis statement which is “As my uncle Rogerio got older, he faced some serious challenges that he will never forget.” I added some quotations from my subject, “Thoughts were going through my head; I would have to work for the rest of my life to relieve myself from debt. I had to run away.” I believe my profile flows from fact to fact.  

-          1) Is my profile on my uncle interesting?

 2)Is there an area I still need to work on, that was not clear?